The Night When I Lost Martha

I still remember her and the times when she’ll just scream in the midst of the night. We were in the same room. I was ten then and she was by the age of seven or eight. The Center Aid Head introduced her to everybody as Bella. Nobody knows what is the reason behind her soul-tearing sobs that explores in the littlest part of the room especially in a rainy night. Her sobs could deafen every ear. It seems that every night when she sleeps she is also helplessly taken to a world of endless nightmares and fears. Her cry would make your hair dance with the coldness. I would always wake her up but she’ll just stare at me blankly with the unstoppable tears pushing down her cheeks. Sometimes I just want to hug her so tight and tell her everything will be fine but it seems that she’s taken to the deepest part of a grievous world.
I don’t even know if she hears me. I never heard her talked since she arrived in that pale building. Some kids would tease her because of that but she won’t answer back their teasing. She’ll just sit still and stare blankly in a world she only sees.
The spark of light is very aloof from her eyes just like some of the children in that building. It would batter your heart seeing the little lost souls in that center; their screams in the midst of the night, their tears… But the most soul-breaking sob was of Bella… It’s painful, so cold, and so sad… She never talked to anyone in her first week at the pale building; she just kept on uttering one name…Martha. It was the same name she screams in every night.
Bella likes to seat on the shade of the Mabolo tree. Her curly hair would be teased by the wind while she stares blankly on the green Bermudas as she softly cuddles her ragged doll and a little notebook that had been with her since the day she came to the center.
Sometimes while Bella is seated underneath the Mabolo tree the playful wind would create a little leaves storm. All the dried leaves would circularly fly in the air just how Bella’s mind fly with the day that kept her deaf and blind from the world that surrounds her.
In the midst of the game of the wind and the dried leaves, rain would just pour down. At first I don’t know what did the rain do to Bella that every time it rains she would just cry so hard. One afternoon while Bella was seated again under the Mabolo tree again, the clouds just turned dark… The Center aids did not notice that Bella was still outside until the rain started to pour down… She started to cry, it was silent at first then it turned into a sob and suddenly she started screaming. That was just the first time Bella was soaked in the rain after she was brought to the center…She was really crying hard. I ran to her and tried to get her inside the center then the center aids tried to calm her. The little notebook that Bella had been keeping slid down from her pocket as the aids was changing her clothes. Nobody has ever seen what’s inside the notebook. She never had let someone touched it. I picked it up and got curious what was inside the notebook so I opened it…
I saw a picture if a woman that resembles much like Bella. The writings can still be read although it was a little wet because of the rain. It seemed to be a diary. I could tell that an 8-year-old child just like Bella wrote it because of the incorrect spellings, messy handwritings and unformatted paragraphs. I started reading it…

Dear Diary,
I am happy becoz Martha teach me to write my diary. She said if I canat talk to her I will just write here and I am like talking her. I just celebrated my 7th birthday and Martha gave me a butiful ribbon. I hate uncle Bert. He called Martha again to his room that is why Martha did not sing me a song. I cannot understand Martha, she told me uncle Bert was our mamas brother so he is our uncle but I never hear Martha called him uncle. I wish Martha will take me out to the zoo, she promised me she would. I hope uncle Bert will be gone to a very long trip forever so he will not call Martha every night.

Dear Diary,
I am sad we did not go to the zoo. Martha has a black thing around her one eye. Rosita told me it is a black eye. I think I am bad becoz Martha cried when she came to my room. Maybe she doesn’t like monkey and scared on tigers. Maybe we can go if the black in her eye will be gone. I want to ask her when will we go to the zoo, but I think she is not okay. Maybe the scratchis in her arm is painful. Uncle Bert told me the bad spider did it to Martha. I hate spiders.

Dear Diary,
I think Martha hate me becoz she did not tell me who are mama and papa. Maybe she is also scared becoz uncle Bert told me that the bad spider don’t want her to tell or it will scratch Martha again. I want to skwiz that spider.

Dear Diary,
Martha told me that we will leav the big house and uncle Bert someday. I canat understand why we will leav. Maybe we will live with mama and papa like my classmates. I never saw mama and papa yet. And Martha is angry everytime I ask about mama and papa. She always told me she don’t know. Uncle Bert told me they died in a car crash. I wonder if that is like what happened in the tv. If we will leav I hope Martha will take tatum also. I canat leav tatum, uncle Bert hate tatum.

Dear Diary,
I love Martha very much. I think she is butiful uncle Bert think too. Last night Martha went out from uncle Bert room again and she was crying. I ask her why she just hug me. She was crying so I also cried.

Dear Diary,
I don’t understand why Martha has to stay in uncle Bert room and why she has to leav me when she go out with uncle Bert. Evrytaym she go out she is butiful with her short dress and red paint in her lips. I think thos are yummy becoz of the smell but Martha wont let me have it she said I am still small. Uncle Bert told me they will eat and dance and party and I cant go yet becoz I am small. I think that is fun but I don’t understand why Martha was sad when she go out with uncle Bert.

Dear Diary,
I was left with Rosita. I like her becoz she told me stories but I also don’t understand some of her stories. I think some are wird. She askd me questions that are wirds to. She ask me why I am culing Martha on her first name and not mother. I told her it is imposibol becoz Martha is not my mother. And uncle Bert told me to call Martha that way. Then Rosita just cried. She is wird sometimes but I like Rosita.

Dear Diary,
Last night Martha came home with the black eye again and scratchis. Uncle Bert told me the Big bad spider did it. I hate that spider. Uncle Bert gave me a burger and chocolyt. I don’t understand why Martha don’t want me to go near uncle Bert ol the time. Martha says uncle Bert is bad. But why is he giving me toys and yummy candies. But I don’t want Martha to get angry so I will not go near uncle Bert again.

Dear Diary,
I don’t nu where is Martha now. She told me she will not leav me but she is gone now. The big men in blue uniform took Martha away. I miss Martha. What if uncle Bert will come back? What if she will get me in the night? He was the big spider. I hate him.I hate him. I was scared with thunders and Martha was not there that night and Uncle Bert told me she will take care of me when she came to my room. But he was scary and he smell bad like the bottle he is always drinking every party. I was really scared that night. The lytnings are like the scary scene in the tv show uncle Bert like to watch. Uncle Bert hold my legs he said he will protect me but I was scared of him. I was really scared so I shouted. Martha said she will not liv me. I tried to run and find Martha becoz I was scared with the lytnings and with uncle Bert eyes. It was like the eyes of the monster in the tv. But uncle Bert wont let me get to the door. He squiz me. I cried. Then I saw Martha. She came to save me. She hit uncle Bert with uncle Bert favorit baseball bat but uncle Bert just laf. I was scared. Uncle Bert hold Mrtha in her arm. Martha cried. I have to help Martha but I was scared. Then I saw blood in the head of Martha. I punch uncle Bert. He just laf. He grab me. I cry and cry and Martha get the sisor and dig it to uncle Bert back. One. Two, three until uncle Bert fell down with so much blood. I was scared. Then we run and run and run. Then it was dark and suddenly some men come running they took Martha away from me. I don’t know where is Martha now. I miss her. I am scared uncle Bert might come again.

The rain was over when I stopped reading Bella’s diary. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how could she have taken it all?
After reading her diary I slowly understood why she seemed so far away, why she doesn’t speak, why there’s no light in her eyes, why she screams at night, why she’s so afraid of the thunders and rain, why the only word she speaks is the name “Martha”.
Bella was like a little flower in a world of nowhere, a crying star in a wide-dark horizon. I know it was so hard for her to leave the night when she lost Martha. It was hard for her to get free from the horrible memories of uncle Bert.

Bella was taken to MARILAC, a center that handles special cases like her. I never had the chance to return the diary. I just hope she’ll smile again and be like the little angel that she was before. But I know that it wasn’t easy to let deep wounds heal. It takes time. Bella’s life is like a thin sheet of cloth shattered by the unforgiving mind and selfish motives of some people that took advantage her and Martha’s fragility. If only I could do something to save her from the cataclysmic world she was in, I really would do it. But I know that the only person who could bring her back was Martha; the only person she solely trusted, the only person who would die to keep her safe, the only light in times of the relentless darkness, the soft song in every thunderous nights, her angel, her friend, her mother who fearlessly saved her from uncle Bert who also was her father. #